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FIRE & ICE
Every entertainment publication has one love and life guru dispensing worldly advice to troubled readers. At BlackAndCoke.com however, we just like to do everything better. So, instead of one guru, we have two: ladies and gentlemen, meet the never shy, sometimes opposing but always wise BlackAndCoke.com advice columnists, Fire and Ice! We all lose our way. If nothing else, Fire and Ice will give you the reality check you need. So write us! |
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Question Friday, June 19, 2009
ok, i am 28yrs old and um been wif my boo almost 8yrs now n we have 2 beautiful lil boys togetha and i'm pregnant again and at the same time my boo surprised me with a diamond ring 2 go on my 4th finger left hand feel me of course I said yes, cause he is my heart and after my children n god he cums second to no one! Unfortunately we've had our ups and downs and it's been really rough, we even broke up for about 6mths straight before we decided to work things out for ours and our childrens sakes. The problem is during that 6mth break up period I made the mistake of becoming to vulnerable which led me into the arms of a "good" friend of mines. I have no feelings what-so-ever for this man but I know he has feelings for me and he was absolutely crushed when I told him that I'm gettin back with my boo. Shortly after me and my boo got back is when I found out I was pregnant, and I am extremely scared that this child may not be my boo's. I am almost certain it's not his, but I still hold that bit of hope that it is his. My problem is, I don't know how to break it to my boo that our 3rd child may actually not be his, and I am even more scared that if it isn't his, I would lose the love of my life, even though it happened during times we weren't together. I am just so in love with him and he is so good to me and our sons and I would hate to lose him and put my sons through the drama that we put them through before! Pls help me f&i...I really need some good, sound advice on this situation!!!
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- Ice
There are problems in every relationship, but its how one handles it that makes that relationship stronger. I think in your case here you need to come clean, no matter the consequences. Now it will be very hard for him to hear what you done, (after all he is human), but if your Love is strong he will Love you all the same. This happened when you broke up so he can't hold to much aggression for that fact alone. But the minute you had doubt you should have pulled him aside and told him...Good luck and I wish you all the best!
Ice
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- Fire
I agree with Ice. I think that you should tell both men and hope that they each agree to paternity tests so that you can have clarity as early as possible because at the end of the day, it is ultimately about this innocent child. There are some good men out there and hopefully they are too, so that this situation can be handled in a mature and respectful manner. Understand that it may not be easy in the beginning and you may pay the ultimate price and lose your fiance', but if I was in your shoes I would rather put it out there before the baby's arrival instead of in the delivery room. Let's your child's arrival be as a joyous occasion as possible. I wish you the best and applaud your honesty.
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Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by the "Fire And Ice" columns are solely the opinions of the person(s) that write them. The opinions stated should not be used as a substitute for advice, programs, or treatment that you would normally receive from a licensed professional, such as a lawyer, doctor, psychiatrist, or financial advisor.
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